Winter
by mirrorOfsin
Summary: In his dreams Narnia was always in snow, covering everything and everyone so they were unspoiled and beautiful. /Implied J/E and just a scene/ Reviews would be great!


**A/N: **Doesn't follow anything in the canon. Just a scene that can go wherever you please. A bit shippy because that's how I like it :) But if it bothers you don't read/flame. I don't own anything.

Winter

_I get a little warm in my heart when I think of winter_

He leaned his forehead against the cold glass; eyes closed, and breathed out fogging up the window. The contrast between the sharp cold and his hot skin made him shiver and remember; remember that distant cold that he thought was gone but now he could feel in his veins. Unlike the others he could always remember the cold – it never faded even through the summer. As if a shard of ice was still stuck inside of him, a piece of her, that wouldn't melt. There were times when he didn't think about her, as if he almost forgotten, but then she came back and plagued him mercilessly. Nights and days he spent with her in his mind as if she was alive, breathing into him.

To the others Narnia was something like a fairy-tale; golden with the good actions overlaying the darker ones. He wondered if they even remember the first time they went there all together, the biting cold and thick white snow. Did they remember what she looked like? Or had she faded from their memories as something to be forgotten. He wanted to be like that, desperately wanted to forget, but he could recall her to perfection. With everything else fraying at the edges she was untouched, clear and sharp. With closed eyes he saw her, eyes burning into him and a small twist of a smile on her perfectly pale and beautifully cruel face. His fingers clenched and he told himself it wasn't because he wanted to stop himself from reaching out and feel the cold, feel it beneath this skin almost as if he was touching her.

"Edmund?" He heard Lucy ask behind him and he turned, opening his eyes to see her looking at him anxiously. He had been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't heard her come up. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, just…" he trailed off not knowing how to finish and so switched to question her. "Where are the others?"

"Outside in the snow, won't you come too? Oh please! Then we can have a snowball fight! The snow is quite thick now," Lucy exclaimed excitedly distracted by the question. Edmund smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. He turned and saw that it was still snowing lightly but the ground was covered. But not as thick as it was with her as queen, his traitorous mind whispered making him flinch.

"Edmund, are you sure you're okay? You look…" Lucy reached out and placed her hand gently on his shoulder. It was light but he felt it like a ton of lead, pulling him down further into his guilt. It was guilt he felt because he could have lost his family and everything because of what he had done. _Traitor_.

It still rung in his ears and he felt as if it was branded into his skin, into his soul. He had been forgiven, given a second chance and proved himself. So why was he betraying them all over again by thinking of her, imagining her there?

"Sorry, just thinking. I'll come down," he replied with another false smile knowing that it would please her and relieve her doubts so she wouldn't raise it with Peter and Susan. He didn't need them prodding or glancing at him as if unsure about him. "Just go and tell them. I'll get my coat."

Lucy left beaming and he moved away from the window, getting his coat and then followed her, emerging a few minutes later outside. Susan was lying in the snow making a snow angel and Lucy fell down next to her giggling. Peter was making a large snowball when he saw him venture outside.

"Ed!" he shouted and Susan sat up smiling. "Didn't think you were coming."

"I said I would," he snapped then frowned. "Sorry."

They didn't seem to hear as Peter suddenly chucked a snowball at Lucy and Susan who squealed and vowed revenge setting off a huge fight. Edmund joined in but skirted around them, rarely throwing the snow or getting hit. He looked around at the snow, the way it covered and hid what was beneath and he slowly put his foot onto a bit that had previously been untouched. Now it was spoiled, his boot had uncovered the muddy ground below and he frowned not liking it. A snowball hit him hard on the head making him stumble and fall onto his back.

The wind was knocked out of him and he stared up at the grey sky, at the small snowflakes swirling in the air and for a moment it was as if her face had formed there above him. A slow smile suddenly came to his lips as he felt a flicker of warmth spread in him, almost comforted by the thought of winter, her winter, at least covered up so much there was no chance of seeing the ugliness beneath.

"Edmund?" Lucy and Susan's voices brought him back as they knelt at his side. He glanced at them and then back up but her face was gone and he sighed.

"Ed, are you alright?" Peter asked standing over him, brow creased in concern.

"Yeah," he slowly sat up. "I'm fine." He smiled to show that he was taking it as a joke and they believed him. Of course they did because they didn't know. They had no idea that later he would lie awake and picture her, standing by her side as her king. Then he would dream and in his dreams Narnia was always in snow, covering everything and everyone so they were unspoiled and beautiful.

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**A/N:** Winter by Tori Amos. One shot. Please review!


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